Tuesday, September 07, 2010

India – as Measured in Toilet Rolls

This is irreverent. Read it at your own risk. With the Commonwealth Games almost upon us I can’t stop thinking of the expensive toilet rolls they bought at Rs 4000 each. All those toilet rolls make me go numb, crazy and downright hysterical. So much for toilet rolls? Here’s what I have been thinking lately. Must write this down or the spasms of laughter would make me choke and die.

If I was paid in toilet rolls, I would earn 12 toilet rolls for all my ass-kissing pains for a month. And imagine this: of this I would pay three toilet rolls as the EMI on my home loan and half a toilet roll as my electricity and water bill combined.

India’s Gross Domestic Product (total of everything produced) would be 313,500,000 (say, three hundred million) toilet rolls. That’s quite a lot of toilet rolls.

India’s Per Capital Income (what an average Indian makes) would be one-third of a toilet roll. (Poor man, whoever earns this amount would have only enough to wipe one behind.)

A cricketer would make 37 toilet rolls per one day international (assuming he is paid Rs 1.5 lakh for each match).

A reasonably successful film star (say the one-hit, two-flops type) would earn 2500 toilet rolls for a film. Sad. Some of these rolls (say, 1000 rolls) would go to his girl-friend who does item numbers in movies. Imagine all the toilet rolls that would line their bathroom walls.

Our Members of Parliament would draw a royal salary of twelve-and-a-half toilet rolls a month. However, as bribes they would demand nothing less than 2500 toilet rolls to move a file.

There’s more. May be some other time.

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