Saturday, June 05, 2010

Amitabh’s Poetry

As Amitabh says in this post, someone asked him if he wrote poetry and he replied that his mother said, "One poet in the family is enough." However he wrote the following lines, which, erm, may, sort of, kinda, in a manner of speaking, pass of as blank verse, methinks:

"I sit and think,

Of ways to blink

Of ways to close the day.

There is none their

Who can compare

Life's all encompassed fray .."

Or should one let this pass? Let's take a re-look. Note that "their" should have been "there", a common mistake even seasoned writers make, including this blogger. Gah! "Of ways" is repeated twice (redundancy), and "all encompassed" (participle not adjective) should have been "all encompassing". And in the end ".." should be an ellipsis with three dots "…".

Amitji, to write you need patience and I mean, infinite patience, to write, revise, remove all those embellishments like two and three exclamations (!!!), triple question marks (???), a random succession of dots (….) which you use so liberally in your blog. They clutter your writing without adding anything to the text. Powerful as your words are, a leeetle more caution is advised. This comes from a hack who has been a sub-editor in another avatar and has edited poetry such as the above.

Let's take another look at your poem, the way I would write it, perhaps:

"I sit and think,

On the many things

I have to do before close of day.

There is no one there

With whom I can compare

My life's all encompassing sway…"

Oh! Never mind. You should stick to acting, Amitji. Lots of love.


ms said...

i gave up after Day 678. you are indeed brave, john! did you get a chance to read my earlier offering? love to read your opinion!

ms said...
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ms said...
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