Sunday, July 25, 2010

Commuting Etiquettes for Bombayites - III

The list of etiquettes goes on...

The Cellphone Freak

He speaks on the cellphone as if he is in a bedroom with his girlfriend, lot of purring and cooing. So you just can't stand him. He does this deliberately to make you jealous since he knows you don't stand a chance.... Well, never mind. Better not talk about my trysts of fate with the fairer sex on a blog. May be, in an autobiography. And who knows who all are reading this. This freak though he irritates speaks in a low voice, so you shouldn't really mind. But watch out for mood swings and sudden bursts of, "What? What didIdo yaaaaaaaaaaaa?" Well that's this type.

Coming back to the cellphone freak there's another type who goes on thusly:

"What have you made for dinner?"

"Have you put curry leaves like I told you?"

"But darling, I told you I like curry leaves, naaaaa?"

"But I like curry leaves and a pinch of ginger, no, darling?"

"But why didn't you put curry leaves, now tell me?"

"Now promise ahinda (now on) kabhi bi (always) you will put curry leaves."

So on and so fart, beg your pardon, forth. Why can't the fart talk all this nonsense when he reaches home when nobody is within earshot? Why does he have to make one suffer with his obsession for "curry leaves?"

The Brash Business Man

Now this type is the most interesting. In addition to being devoid of manners like the guy mentioned above he is also loud and boastful. He wears a lot of gold jewellery, masticates constantly on tobacco and is so fat that the flesh of his neck and that of his cheeks meet with that under his eyes in an unbroken big bulge. His eyes are nearly invisible in its sockets. His mouth is like a big void producing a dry rasping noise.

"Hello, how many tonnes have you loaded today to Japan?" Japan is his favourite country.

"Twenty tonnes, why what happened to the balance eighty tonnes?"

"Bhai mere, mai phas jaoonga, mere karodo rupaye pani mein beh jayega (brother of mine, I will be trapped, my crore rupees will sink in the water)."

"That maal (goods) from Japan when are you sending?" Laughs loudly without reason.

"Japan mein koyi dhanda nahi ho raha (no business in Japan these days)."

Why does he want everyone to know his business secrets? Can't he shut his mouth for at least some time and let people contemplate on the different ways to stuff his mouth with enough pan masala to choke him.

(Lunch is ready, wifey is calling. So more later.)

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