John P Matthew on Writing, Book Reviews, and the Writing Life!

06/01/2006 0:05 hrs

Losing your mother just isn't that simple. I had steeled myself, assured myself, with thoughts of "After all she has to die some day some time," but when it hit me, it was like nothing I had ever imagined. Total surprise, I wasn't prepared for the absolute shock, the slow unraveling of what a mother really means.

Mother died this day: 06/01/2006 0.05 hrs and I was by her side when she breathed her last breath. She had been there when I had taken my first tenative breath in this world. There is a mystery, a loss, a deep sense of disquiet. Words fail me.

Those of you still have a mother around, thank your stars. For a mother is as precious as the most pricey jewels. I posted the following poem on Caferati message board.

To My Mother

You loved me
You hated me
You left me this day 0.05 hrs
Feeling empty.

As you lay helpless
Your heart beating, so slowly
I don't know
Where your spirit
So strong, so feminine
Has dissipated
Leaving this mask
Of death on your face.

I stare at you
As you lie dying
How can this corpse
Be my mother?
Mothers don't die
They create life from love
And keep nurturing the loveless.