Satire: Who Actually Made the North Indians Flee?

Well, actually there’s justice in this world. The New Bombay president of Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (whose founder is Raj Thackeray) KR Gopi has assured North Indians in the satellite town in which I live has actually said that there is no risk to them and, in fact, asked them to stay back. (The president, KR Gopi, is actually my classmate KR Shashi’s brother and is president of the local body of industrialists, too.) He also said that the scare and exodus created was a pure fabrication of the media. To quote him from the story that made front page news in today's edition of the Times of India, “My party leader…, has been misquoted and and misunderstood by the media, especially the television press. This unfortunately led to such tension in the state.”

I think there may be a wee bit of truth in all this. Read on.

So what has prompted this divergence of view between the party president and the local party president? So, was the television footage of a woman and children being shoved into a train through a window a misguided hype created by the electronic media? And, horror of horrors, I watched another channel and they were also showing the same footage. I guess the smart ass that shot that video made a killing without interviewing anyone and taking their statements. I mean if he/she was so enterprising why couldn't he/she take an actual statement, on camera?

So the final and unadulterated truth goes somewhat like this: The party president makes an inflammatory speech in which he castigates the Big B for ignoring his ardent fan (he himself), a few misguided party workers rough up a few roadside chana, sandwich sellers because they were fans of the Big B and go for darshans outside Big B’s residence, and the media latches on to it.

The news editor of this hot shot channel sends his reporter to cover the story. Now, listen to what happens inside the channel news editor’s office:

“Bole tho, bring me a story with some footage that shows someone clambering into a train. If it’s women and children, more the better.”

“Yes boss, will do whatever you say, TRP tho we all wanting no?”

An hour later inside the channel news editor’s office:

“What about the story?”

“Boss, there’s no story, nobody is willing to talk, and nobody says they are leaving the city because of the remarks of the party president.”

News editor, turning to his minion: “Bole tho, isko khopcheme leke kharcha pani de, kya?” (Meaning give him a pasting in that corner.)

And then scratching his head asks his peon, Namdeo, “What should I do now?”

Namdeo: “Boss I have an idea. My friend is a video shooter, yes, those types who shoots weddings, and he lives near Kurla station. If I ask him he will go there and shoot some scenes of people leaving Bombay, and we can make it all up for the 9 p.m. news.”

News editor: “Brilliant, Namdeo, brilliant! Ask him to go right away. What an idea. We can even have the Idea ad playing in the commercial break, remember the one in which the northie-looking man comes and tells B Junior, “what an idea, sirjee”. They will advertise because of the television rating points (TRPs) we are going to get today.”

So Namdeo’s friend Pandurang goes to Kurla with a video camera. Luckily he sees a man shoving his trunk, his children and his wife through the emergency window [in every train there's a window that can be opened for escape during an emergency] and shoots it and phones Namdeo.

“What happened Namdeo?” asks the news editor.

Namdeo dutifully shows the video shot by Pandurang.

“Brilliant. Bole tho, maha brilliant,” says the news editor, “take these shots and intersperse it with those of the channawallas being beaten, and we have a perfect news story and the highest TRPs tonight.”

The video is aired and hundreds begin leaving as rumour spreads after seeing the news story.

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Meanwhile Pandurang, the shrewd businessman that he is, is in offices of different channels selling the video of a poor labourer going to Patna to attend his chacha’s son’s wedding.

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Next day the channel’s TRPs don’t show any improvement and is stuck like a dead duck in a pool of muck. The reason? Pandurang’s video footage is with every channel and all of them are airing them repeatedly.

So crookedness never wins, and after all, one learns, there’s some justice in this world.

(Disclaimer: This is a satire meant only as a humourous pice of writing and no harm is meant for anybody mentioned above.)